If you know me, you probably know that I love dogs. LOVE them. And I think cats are pretty cool too. Unfortunately, many of them are in shelters awaiting placement in loving homes, and the number of loving homes is not as great as might be hoped. Shelters are being overwhelmed with pets given up by people who can no longer afford them due to the recession, so they need your help now more than ever. To that end, Rosie the golden retriever and I will be taking part in the Denver Dumb Friends League's Furry Scurry on Saturday to raise money for the shelters that care for these homeless pets.

But we need your help! Our donation page is here. Even $5 would be greatly appreciated. Skip a latte, save a kitty! It's great if you can donate by Saturday, but my team will continue to accept donations through May 26.

Sorry for the blatant plea for cash, but it's for a good cause. I have long supported this shelter, which isn't quite "no kill" only because it takes in animals with medical or behavioral problems that would cause traditional no-kill shelters to reject them in the first place. They love animals, and it shows. Please help!

Now back to your regularly scheduled ... whatever it is I do on here lately.

HEY! It's Nationals! Now that we've seen all the short programs (and the execrable Short Dance, which needs to be done away with post-haste, OMG, I fucking HATE IT), it's time to update the Drinking Game.

1 sip every time:

* A male skater wears a V-neck requiring either chest waxing or illusion mesh.
** 2 sips if it's clear that he opted for chest waxing over illusion mesh.

* A skater sports a spunky ponytail.
** 3 sips if it's a male skater.

* A skater is dressed like an escapee from an 1850 Western bordello. (I'm looking at you, Agnes Zawadski.)

* Rachel Flatt skates so slowly that she actually makes you lose consciousness.

* Someone puts their hand on their ass/lower back during a catch-foot spin (WTF, why is this suddenly a trend this year?).

* A female skater does a spin that enables the audience to conduct a pelvic exam. (Classic.)

* IceNetwork viewers only: Tonia Kwiatkowski reminisces about her own failed career when she ought to be talking about the skater on the ice. STFU, Tonia. NO ONE CARES.

* A male skater does the Show Me Your Ass Spin (you'll know it when you see it).

* The Short Dance forces skaters to awkwardly transition from the Golden Waltz to the tango in a 2:30 program. ... oh, wait, that would mean you'd be smashed after the first 10 dance teams, never mind. (Fucking Short Dance!!! Fuck you, ISU!)

* The Shibutanis surprise you with their awesomeness. (OMG, they're so awesome.)

* Tara Lipinski is shown in the stands with her horribly fried hair. (WTF, Tara???)

* Someone skates to tango music.
** Three sips if it's "Tango de Roxanne" or "Assassin's Tango."
*** Chug if you just can't fucking take another fucking tango, for fuck's sake!

* The sequins/embroidery on a man's costume points to his ass a la Johnny Weir.

* Someone has a wardrobe malfunction.
** Chug if said skater has to search his jock strap for the missing piece of wardrobe while his coach holds up a Team USA jacket to preserve his modesty. LOL. God bless you, Jonathan Cassar.

* Ryan Bradley kicks ass. Oh, what the hell, just chug for that, because he deserves it.

* Someone skates to a piece of music that is on the #bannedforeverlist. Unless you're Lloyd Ting, it's a safe bet that your tango music is on said list, as are "Bolero," "Swan Lake," "Romeo and Juliet" (all versions), the "Mission" soundtrack and the "Gettysburg" soundtrack (thank you, Todd Eldredge).
** Two sips if someone violates the Brian Joubert Rule and skates to the "Matrix" soundtrack.

Free dance and pairs and ladies long tomorrow! Woooooooo!

Prompt: Alphabet meme. A is for Aslan discussing the nature of good and evil with any of the other characters from any of the other verses you identified (Aslan and Fin Tutuola FTW)

Notes: Obviously, Aslan is not being a lion at the bar (where would he keep his ID?). Picture Liam Neeson. Also, this is for maiasaura -- I tried to paste it into a comment, but I am too prolific! Shit, I'm not very good at drabbles, am I?

( Jack )

Snagged from lowriseflare and leigh57. Comment with a show, pairing/character, and word prompt for the letter(s) of your choosing and I’ll write you a drabble/ficlet in return.

A is for: Aslan discussing the nature of good and evil with any of the other characters from any of the other verses you identified (Aslan and Fin Tutuola FTW) (Narnia/SVU)
B is for: Buffy either buying shoes with Carrie Bradshaw or admiring Peter Pevensie's shiny sword (mine's bigger!) (BTVS/SATC or Narnia)
C is for: closet, that Elliot and Olivia get locked in. (SVU, Elliot/Olivia)
D is for: the file labeled Dharma Initiative in Fox Mulder's drawer (The X-Files/Lost)
E is for: eating a meal -- double date between E/O (SVU) and G/E (L&O: CI)
F is for: Faith discussing redemption and killing things with Edmund (BTVS/Narnia)
G is for: George Weasley getting drunk and shagging Angelina Johnson (Harry Potter)
H is for: heated, The X-Files, Mulder/Scully
I is for:
J is for: Jamaica, where Charlotte is being conned by Keller. Or is that too cruel, LOL? She gets sex, he gets money... And Alex Skarsgard's character in True Blood is trying to seduce Keller?... (Charlotte, Keller and/or Erik, SATC, Oz, True Blood)
K is for: Krycek getting interrogated and beaten up by Elliot because he SO deserves it. (The X-Files/SVU) (hee! I love this)
L is for: love. It's the end of Season 12, the final episode of the series -- who says it and how? (SVU, Elliot/Olivia)
M is for: Mulder and Munch investigating an alien crime scene (The X-Files/SVU)
N is for:
O is for: Oz comparing notes with a Lost polar bear or with Eustace Scrubb on dragon transformation (BTVS/Lost and/or Narnia)
P is for:
Q is for:
R is for: relaxation, SVU, Elliot/Olivia (for marie_sc on Twitter)
S is for: Susan Pevensie and Scully doing something awesome (Narnia/The X-Files)
T is for:
U is for:
V is for: visitor, The X-Files, Mulder/Scully (for marie_sc on Twitter)
W is for: Wales, The West Wing, Josh&Sam
X is for: X-rated....SVU...you pick the pairing... (SVU -- come on, you know it's E/O!)
Y is for: yogurt, Burn Notice, Fiona/Michael
Z is for: Zamboni, The West Wing, Jed & whoever

Shows I'm super comfortable with: SVU, X-Files, Narnia (fine, it's not a show, ask me if I give a shit), The Office, The West Wing, Castle, Lost, Buffy, Dexter, Sex and the City, True Blood, Oz, Harry Potter (again, I don't care that it's not a show, this is my LJ, GTFO).

Shows I've never written but would be totally game to try as long as there's a little wiggle room: In Plain Sight, Burn Notice, Leverage, Law & Order: CI, Glee.

Ice dance is a discipline all its own. Therefore, it needs its own drinking game. The Original Dance is tonight, so grab your drink of choice and get ready to kill some brain cells. Trust me, the fix is in -- you'll thank me when you're too drunk to care that the Russians paid off the judging panel. Here we go!

Drink when:
* Someone wears a cowboy hat -- twice if it falls off (costume deduction!).
* A skater wears fake books -- twice if both skaters are wearing them.
* Someone's costume sheds a tassel or a strip of tulle.
* A costume directly causes one or both skaters to fall.
* The woman's skirt completely covers the man's face in a lift. Drink twice if this causes them to crash.
* Nip slip! (not quite SFW) (Note: That's the couple for whom The Fix Is In this year. Drink twice if the nip slip happens to them.)
* Catch-foot twizzles. (Uh, drink sparingly for this one or it'll be a short night for you.)
* Twizzles are blatantly out of unison. (See above.)
* Someone gets the Glare of Death after a poor performance.
* A costume is so bad that even the commentators cannot hold back their laughter.
* A brother and sister perform a romantic/sexy program that is just WRONG. (I'm glad Hubbell and Hubbell won't be here with their creepy "American Woman" program.)
* Someone skates to "Requiem for a Dream."
* Somebody has O-Face.
* One or both skaters "die" at the end of the program.
* It is patently obvious that Maxim Shabalin only has one functional knee. Two drinks when the scores completely fail to reflect this.
* North American skaters get blatantly hosed.
* Eastern Bloc skaters get blatantly held up.
* NBC commentators bitch audibly about either of the above.
* Tanith Belbin visibly tries to contain her rage at being scored below Davis/White.
* Ben Agosto waggles his eyebrows in different directions.
* Charlie White's hair is fantastic. (OK, this is a freebie.)
* Jana Khokhlova achieves a position not normally seen outside of Vegas strip clubs and/or Cirque du Soleil.
* Somebody's lift exceeds 12 seconds (deduction!).
* Somebody falls for no apparent reason.
* Two couples collide in the warmup; two drinks if there is blatant gamesmanship involved.
* A "folk dance" is hilariously inaccurate; drink twice if it's downright offensive.
* Domnina/Shabalin show up in brownface again despite making nice with the First Nations.
* Davis/White and Virtue/Moir kick ass; if they are rewarded for it in the scoring, chug your drink and call it a night. (Not gonna happen, kids.)

Any other suggestions? I know I'm missing something.

First: The mother of Canadian ladies figure skating champion Joannie Rochette reportedly died of a heart attack last night in Vancouver. My heart goes out to her. What a terrible blow. She says she intends to compete; I hope it brings her some measure of comfort.

Second: The fix is in for the Original Dance. Is anyone surprised? How the hell is it considered remotely ethical for the wife of the Russian skating federation president to sit on the judging panel for the event the Russians were expected to win despite skating with only three working knees? (Maxim only has one. The Skating While Russian bonus should make up for that.) Sorry, Meryl and Charlie, but you're about to get hosed Johnny Weir-style.

Oh well. We can still snark the costumes.

OK, so I'm not sure whether Uncle Dick will be doing any actual commentary tonight during the ladies free skate, but he's made several appearances on NBC this afternoon (and has already repeated the classic line "We'll see if the soufflé is suffled," which was hilarious), so I have high hopes. Just in case, this version of the drinking game includes a number of Scott Hamilton-specific entries.

Three drinks every time Dick Button uses a rambling and/or nonsensical metaphor such as "It's like a roller coaster with the ups and downs and like an Alfred Hitchcock movie with the bomb under the chair and you know it's going to blow up but you're just waiting and like trying to sing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' after Judy Garland has done it and if you're singing the National Anthem, you want to be Whitney Houston and not Roseanne." (I'm not exaggerating. Also, be careful when taking your drinks during said metaphors, as you may snort vodka out your nose.)

One drink every time Dick Button says something completely anachronistic. Two if it also makes no sense, and never has at any point in time. (The "That was the longest telegraph I've seen since so-and-so sent the yearlong telegram!" remark falls in both this category and the previous one.)

One drink every time Dick Button says something along the lines of, "The heck with the points, it was a great performance!"

Two drinks every time Dick Button says something really bitchy in a totally deadpan way -- "Now that's a glorious position." Chug the bottle if he pauses and then apologizes and/or asks if his comment was too mean.

One drink every time a commentator insults somebody's outfit (too bad I didn't make this rule while the ice dance was still going). Two drinks if several commentators get in on the act.

On the topic of costumes, take one drink if somebody has an obvious wedgie.

One drink every time Dick Button bitches about someone's layback spin; two if he actually calls it "ugly." Hell, two if he calls ANYTHING "ugly."

Two drinks every time Dick Button calls something "second-rate."

One drink every time a skater's spiral is criticized. Two if the skater's spiral is compared to that of Sasha Cohen.

One drink every time Dick Button complains about someone's catch-foot position.

One drink every time someone's footwork is described as "flailing."

One drink every time Dick Button criticizes somebody's sitspin for not being low enough; two if he's extra catty ("Now these are better sitspins than we've seen much of the night ... oh, wait, I spoke too soon!").

Three drinks every time Scott Hamilton actually criticizes a skater. (Don't hold your breath.)

One drink every time Scott Hamilton tries to yell someone through a "triple LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTZ OH AND SHE PULLED IT OFF!"

One drink every time they show Sarah Hughes in the audience.

One drink every time a skater gets into a position that screams "pelvic exam."

Two drinks every time Dick Button says "climax."

One drink every time Dick Button calls a skater or a performance "pleasing."

Two drinks every time Dick Button takes his hat off to someone. (Classic.)

Two drinks every time Dick Button cries tears of joy or is so blown away that he cannot speak coherently.

One drink every time Scott Hamilton says "Woooo!" or "Unbelievable!" or similar in an overexcited, high-pitched tone.

One drink every time someone says "haircutter" (those of you watching on IceNetwork will hear this from Tonia Kwiatkowski A LOT).

One drink every time someone skates to music that's on the Banned Forever List. Two drinks if it's "Carmen" or "Bolero."

One drink every time Scott Hamilton exclaims "Game over!" in the first 30 seconds of somebody's program.

One drink every time the NBC cameras stalk a weeping skater to the point that the audience becomes uncomfortable.

Two drinks every time the commentators blatantly jinx somebody. ("She's skated a perfectly clean program so far -- just one jump left!" *splat* "...")

One drink every time somebody complains about how the Code of Points has taken all the artistry out of the sport.

Here we go! Bottoms up! Cocktail recipes to come.

Someone made a documentary about Johnny Weir. Leaving aside the fact that I am annoyed that they beat me to it, OH MY GOD WATCH THE TRAILER RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW!



It's showing here at next month's LGBT film fest. I AM SO THERE. Did I mention the trailer contains A RAP SONG ABOUT JOHNNY WEIR? Ahahahahahaha.

And I think I might just die of laughter!



Also, if you missed it, Fred Clark, a.k.a. Slacktivist, points out that Fred Phelps actually makes himself useful by disproving the central argument of the original video. I love this.

A handy-dandy guide: The Fug Girls have their hits and misses up; E!'s Fashion Police; The Good and The Bad at Jezebel, plus their Red Carpet Liveblog; HuffPost's Best Dressed, Worst Trends and Bonnie Fuller's What Were They Thinking?; People's Best Dressed; Entertainment Weekly's Best and Worst; and the Guardian's fashion wrap-up plus the best Oscar liveblog ever.

I totally want my paper to let me liveblog it next year. I promise not to say "fuck" quite as often this time.

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS YOU CAN STREAM THE NEW U2 ALBUM!!! If you are not an idiot like me. I looked at it last night and thought "Get On Your Boots" was the only one you could play. It is, unless you're smart enough to select the "No Line On The Horizon" playlist, which I was not. S-M-R-T!